on being 30.

Wow, it's been awhile, eh? I'm surely among the most inconsistent bloggers on the world wide web. It isn't that my posts aren't consistently wonderful (don't pretend like you're not amazed by me, okay - I mean, who can double-negative like that? yes, double-negative is a verb now), but I have a hard time remembering to come here and say my stuff... or maybe it's more that I have a hard time finding the time to say everything I'd want to say. I don't want to shower the web with meaningless fluff about what I ate for breakfast (cold strawberry no frosting pop-tart this morning) or what I'm wearing (all black with magenta shoes today)... I want what I say to mean something, even if it only has meaning to me.

I'm in the midst of a lot of stuff right now - working a lot but hopefully doing good work, trying to get myself organized to move, and upgrading some things in my life (just bought a shiny new MacBook Pro, but I've yet to transfer anything from my old computer to it.) I've also managed to successfully turn 30 since my last blog. Saying it out loud or writing it down still makes it feel a little surreal. Thirty years is a long time, relative to the average human life span. But at the same time, in many ways I feel like my life is just beginning. While the pain of seeing those gray hairs, recognizing that my vision is getting just a little worse, and feeling just a little bit more achy and creaky is a little tough to bear, I also feel incredibly blessed to have made it this far. There are many people who did many wonderful things without being able to finish three full decades of life. I haven't done very many of the things I thought I'd do before turning 30, and I went through a time of feeling a lack of accomplishment as a result. But another part of me is starting to realize that the best is probably yet to come. And now I've lived enough to see beyond the basics of a given life moment and actually appreciate the real significance of the people, places, choices, events that I encounter along the way. I somehow feel much more in charge of what's happening in my life now, while also having a much deeper understanding of the old cliche (which I happen to fully support) that everything happens for a reason. I guess it's an interesting place to be in... young enough not to be tied down with tons of commitment but also old enough and with just enough wisdom to appreciate it. As much as it hurt that first time I had to put a check in the box next to "30-34" instead of "25-29", I feel like this next bracket is going to be much kinder to me than the previous one.

I think I'm going to celebrate this new-found place of clarity by making a list. Because, hey, that's what I do. Like really, I basically get paid to make lists and check things off. Seriously. I digress. I'm going to make a list. There are so many things that I think I'd like to do but somehow never get around to doing. Some bit of work or life gets in the way. I guess now more than ever, I appreciate that maybe 30 years isn't really that long, and there's no time like the present to make the most out of all the blessings I've been given. I feel so fortunate to be educated and aware, living in a place where I have the most basic of human freedoms that so many don't have, with wonderful people in my life. I still live with uncertainty about the future, knowing that where I am now probably isn't where I always want to be, but it is time to revel in that freedom instead of seeing it as a hindrance. So, it's time to whip out that new checklist template in my Word 2011 for Mac and get on it. Time to rock out. With my, err... yeah. Nevermind. (Some of us get older without really ever growing up.)